This is me

Adjustments in Marriage

          There are a lot of adjustments that happen in marriage that can bring a couple closer together or tear them apart. These changes happen in waves with both highs and lows to any given situation. These adjustments include being newly weds, new parents, parents to adolescents, being an empty nester, parenting adults and death of a spouse. As we move through the phases we learn more about ourselves and our partner. It's important to know that life is a journey that was not meant to be taken alone. As we face the struggles and joys of marriage we must look forward with a perfect brightness of hope. 

          Many people say that the first year of marriage is the hardest and that adjusting to newly-wed life can be complicated. Previous to marriage both adults are “single” (for this purpose meaning individual) and plan their lives accordingly. However, once married the couple is now considered “one” and they’ll need to adjust their way of thinking and plan for two. It’s important to make sure that your goals, values, and priorities align before marriage, because if you discover that they don’t you can have a hard time adjusting afterwards. As a college student I’ve had the opportunity to live in several different apartments with a diverse group of people. Some people I did not know before rooming with them learned to love them and others I knew previously and learned that we were better off as friends than as roommates. You don’t really know someone until you’ve seen them in several aspects of life such as stressful situations, sickness, anger, joy, road trips, etc. With some people you work out great as friends who hang out regularly but when you move in together you find that you have very different ideas about living conditions. Such as one roommate doesn’t do their dishes or another leaves hair in the shower and another is way controlling. These aren’t necessarily deal breakers in a marriage but are things that you might have to work through in order to stay married.

          Eventually when the time comes again another adjustment will occur when you become parents. Kids will bring joy and pain into any marriage. It’s important that when raising your children that you do it together as active participants and be clear in your parenting style. When children enter the world they tend to be a bit consuming and as a consequence you may not give the same attention to your spouse that you once gave. It’s important that when this happens that you continue to get to know your spouse and make time for one another. Eventually your babies will become teenagers and those teenagers will then become adults. Each stage of parenting is difficult because your roles will constantly be changing and no two children are the same. Sometimes it may seem like your children may be tearing you and your spouse apart. Remember that in those circumstances that you chose your spouse first and that they should remain a priority. Work through it together with open communication and seek to do what is right. It can be difficult as your children become adults because they wont need you in the same capacity as they once did. This is okay. Give them the freedom to learn for themselves like you did. Take the time to get to know your spouse again and adjust to empty nester life. This period in your marriage can be like a second honey moon and give you a chance to enjoy more freedom in your later adulthood. Your children are now out of the house and you are nearing retirement. Grandchildren can start to enter the picture and you can enjoy spoiling them and then sending them home to their mom and dad when you’re done with them.

         

You can live a long and prosperous life with your spouse, yet it doesn’t always prepare you for when you might lose them. The death of a spouse is more difficult than words can describe. You lose your best friend and have to again adjust to a new life style often alone. Don’t be afraid of this for we will only be separated from our loved ones for a short while until we see them again. We can take joy in promises made inside the temple of an eternal family knowing that death is not the end.