Sexual Intimacy and Family

Sexual intimacy is a precious and sacred gift to be used between a man and a woman lawfully and legally wedded. We learn in the bible 
1 Corinthians 7:1-6 which states:

"Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman.

2 Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.

3 Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband.

4 The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife.

5 Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.

6 But I speak this by permission, and not of commandment."

That scripture is great because it teaches us that man should marry but one wife and a woman one husband and that they should remain faithful to one another. They should love one another by showing kindness and compassion. Especially as the years progress the initial attraction that was once felt will wane as natural aging occurs. However, this does not mean that your love will deteriorate rather that you will continue to be benevolent towards your partner and love them through out the years. When married the couple becomes one, meaning that her body belongs to him and his body belongs to her and no one else. This includes intimacy through fantasies, pornography (visual, media, literature, etc.), and extramarital affairs. As we keep God at the center of our marriage we create a strength and bond that will protect us from the temptations of the devil. 

The natural man is led by carnal desires which are sensual, devilish and create an intimacy based on false pretenses between a couple. Where as spiritual intimacy is based on due benevolence, departs not one from another and defends one another. 

It has been found that multiple partners and pre-marital sex can be detrimental to oneself and others. Oxytocin is a chemical in the brain that creates bonds with another person. It is commonly known as the "love drug" which is why we need to be careful with the number of people that we involve ourselves with romantically in a physical way. When we allow ourselves to have multiple partners, hookups or nicmo's, we are creating and ripping apart bonds built. This in turn creates the fear of relationships/commitment, a dulling of the senses and broken relationships. As we've discussed before. In order to have a healthy relationship we should follow the RAM and first get to know a person and follow the sequential steps; the last thing on the list is touch. However, so many of us seem to jump straight into touch and then we wonder why our relationships aren't ideal.

The other day I read an old acquaintance from high school's Facebook post about who's fault it was when a woman gets pregnant out of wedlock. I noticed that it started an online debate between men and women blaming one another. Men stating that it was the women's fault for "opening up her legs" and "allowing it to happen". While many women argued that it was the man's fault for "inserting his penis" into her and not using "proper protection". 

What both fail to realize is that they shouldn't be blaming the other person. It takes two to act in intercourse. The only 100% full proof way to avoid an unwanted pregnancy out of marriage is to refrain from sex. If you are sexually active you shouldn't be too surprised if the woman becomes pregnant. 

On another note we need to be aware of the danger of different kinds of infidelity. It's fake ideals, false, dirty, causes low self-esteem and the thoughts of "i'll never be good enough". Men tend to be use visual fantasy through means of video or image pornography while women are more emotional based and often create fantasy from books or movie ideals. Pornography is like a CD that's been digitized and the realness of a voice is covered up with auto-tune which covers up the realness of a singers voice. Whereas, a real relationship is like Vinyl and you can feel the authenticity of it and dont feel as though you are missing out. Pornography is all about an ideal, something that has been distorted to appear real but isn't.   

***Be careful with infidelity through social media and friends. Be aware of the digital connection (which is not a real connection) which excites and can stir emotions. When you share something with someone you become attached to them. When you are attached to someone you cannot be fully true to your spouse. Be careful with what you share with your friends. Your spouse should be the first one you go to. You are meant to bond with your spouse not with someone who will just agree with you. Even if it's with a good friend or a righteous person that you discuss your intimate or personal moments; when you share it with your friend, or close family member you are stepping away from your spouse which can also cause problems (Turn to each other and not to other people). The moment that you start to want the attention of someone else you are leading into infidelity.

I appreciate the quote: "I dont know if it's important to marry a virgin, but it's important to marry someone who is chaste!" This is true, no one is perfect but repentance is real! If your partner has had sex prior to marriage dont dwell on it thinking they are a bad person. What's important is that they have repented since then and will remain loyal to you. 

Here is a link to a great talk by Elder Holland which dives into a deeper discussion on intimacy and it's sacredness. It's a great talk and I encourage each of you to read it! 
https://speeches.byu.edu/talks/jeffrey-r-holland_souls-symbols-sacraments/