Communication

          

          We always hear that communication is key. We've heard it our whole lives in many different settings. If we truly know this and repeat it back to others, why is it then that we don't follow it? I don't know about you guys but I know that clear communication will solve most problems. Why is it then that I don't always remember it in the heat of the moment or i'm too scared due to the repercussions that it may cause to actually use it?

          Media forms of communication vary. Thanks to technology we can text, face-time, use social media, email, send letters/ notes, use words, our tone of voice and non-verbal cues. Studies show that 14% of effective communication are words, 35% tone of voice and 51% are non-verbal cues. We need to be aware of how we communicate with one another. We've all heard the saying that "actions speak louder than words". Now we can know the truth of it. Often before someone speaks we can tell how they're feeling based on their body language.

           Communication is meant to be a means that brings people together to strengthen their relationship. However, we are seeing that relationships are dwindling due to a lack of proper conversation. Sarcasm for example is one means of communication that is becoming more and more popular. I myself find that I use it and enjoy it on occasion. Though what i'm coming to learn is that sarcasm isn't a great means of communicating with one another. More times than not it is a tool to tear another person down, even if we don't realize it or intend it to be meant that way. If you think about it sarcasm is never edifying. If its not a tool to build someone up then why are we using it in our intimate relationships with friends and family? When it comes to relationships we can choose to better it, do nothing or make it worse.

           I love the quote by Gordon B. Hinckley which states: "When it comes to marriage we need to communicate so clearly not just so that we can be understood but so that we cannot be misunderstood." There are five secrets to communicating properly which follow the E-A-R method:

            1.) Disarming technique- it's a way of helping people to not get defensive (when you're defensive you put someone else in defensive mode also). Focus on a kernel of truth, especially if the other person seems unreasonable and let that help guide your conversation.
            2.) Express Empathy- Thought empathy (repeat back to them what they said to you) and Feeling empathy (understand  their emotions and feelings). This will help the other person to know that you are aware of them and paying attention to their needs and wants.
            3.) Inquiry- Desire to hear more and question so that you can better understand the situation.
            4.) Assertiveness-Let the person know how you're feeling with an "I feel statement". This will help them to understand your position.
            5.) Respect- Stroke/express admiration, appreciation and respect for the individual. Let them know that they have good qualities and that though you may disagree on certain things that you still value their opinion.

The key to making the five secrets of communication a success is following the E-A-R method meaning that you use your ears and you really listen to what is being said. Listening doesn't mean that your opinions are shut down and ignored but is a two way street. Don't get me wrong I know that, that is easier said than done. However, by remembering that the other person is a human being with needs and wants will invite them to listen and respect you as well when it is your turn to communicate. Too often we see people as objects or obstacles in our way that stop us from achieving our goals. However, when we realize that others have just as much value as us, we come to a better consensus of agreement rather than a quick fix compromise.


Food for thought:
A book that I have come to love is The Anatomy of Peace. It is a great book that teaches about conflict resolution and effective communication. It's a great read and I suggest it to anyone who would like to learn more about this topic.