LÎVE com Desejo Real

May 11, 2019

The Family System,

This week I have been thinking a lot about the family and the roles we play in them. Each of us has a role in the family; whether we're the mom/dad, older/younger sibling, aunt/uncle, niece/nephew, cousin, grandparent,in-laws, adopted in family member or the family friend. We have a built in community support system and each of us have an important role to play in order for it to function.

In family studies the family as a system refers to a set of things working together as parts of a mechanism or an interconnecting network. It's people working together to accomplish a goal. Imagine standing in a circle holding hands with your family members. Each one of us in the circle have our own trials and struggles that pull and weigh us down at times. Sometimes these are minor bumps in the road that seem to only affect us as individuals and at other times they can affect the whole family. The stronger the family relationship, the tighter you'll hold onto one another and be able to lift one another up when you're being pulled too hard in one direction. The weaker the relationship the more likely it is that if something happens the circle will be broken and someone will fall out.

Think of it like this: you have a family of four. A mom, a dad, a brother (josh) and a sister (Sally). Each person is an individual yet, together they work as a unit. In their circle they stand together holding hands keeping one another in place. At school Sally is being teased; in her family circle she is being pulled in one direction but because her family is supporting her and holding her hand she isn’t pulled out, but is held fast in the group. The whole family strengthens their stance and is pulled slightly to keep Sally in place. Time passes and then the dad starts having trouble at work. He is getting pulled on by his struggles but wants to remain firm and not show weakness to his family. He tries to stand strong so that his family doesn’t have to feel the weight of his burden as well. The dad does his best, but knows that his family is there supporting him should he need it.

I think of my own family, we're not perfect but we do our best to support one another when we're down. We are all very different in personality, yet somehow all the stronger for it. At times it may seem that there are more differences than similarities between us, but when you get down to it, it's actually the opposite and we have more in common than we do differences.

In 2011, my family lost our home in a forest fire. I was 15 at the time and for my family and I it was quite devastating. In a matter of hours we went from having a home to being homeless. Our circle at that time was pulled quite thin. All of us were feeling the stress of the situation and it would have been quite easy to have fallen apart. However, during that time I noticed how when all of us were being stretched thin something amazing happened and we held on even tighter to one another. We were one another’s support system. We received so much help during that time from extended family and friends who helped in what ever way that they could. They too were a part of our circle and helped to fortify us.

Not every family lives in the ideal situation. One or more family members may not be present, some family members may have broken the circle violently. What ever the case, we can build our own family circle that adapts to our specific needs. It’s important that we don’t judge others because our family situation is different than theirs, but rather seek to lift one another up. This applies to us as citizens of the world too. When we see another human being struggling, why don’t we stop and take a minute to help lift them up? After all we are all children of God no matter our skin color, religion or ethnicity. We are all part of the greater family unit. We start with our main family and then extend to subdivisions of extended families, community families, national families and then finally global families. We don’t choose our families, they kind of just happen, but we are made all the better for it. I invite each of you to look at your immediate family and find a way to strengthen your family circle. Then look outside to your subdivision families and find a way to strengthen those familial circles. By taking these little steps I promise that we’ll strengthen our family and our communities. We say that we love one another, but now lets go and show it.

#StrengthenTheCircle

#UnitedWeStand

P.s

Happy Mothers day to all the mothers and mother figures out there. I'm grateful to all of the wonderful women who have played an important role in my life.